Emotional dependence designates a state of psychological inability to live by and for oneself, and causing great inner suffering. It is characterized by lack of confidence, doubt, harsh self-judgment, and guilt. The emotional dependent suffers from this lack of confidence in all areas of his life, and especially in the area of love. And where there is emotional dependence love is not, because love is not possession.
He tends to step aside in front of his partner. He constantly seeks his partner's approval and suffers from a morbid fear of abandonment, which has the effect of weighing heavily on his relationships in general. He will naturally move towards a relationship of dominance and dominated, in erasure, to justify his deep feeling of guilt and injustice.
In friendship, this translates into unhealthy jealousy and an existential need for exclusivity and recognition. It then becomes impossible to achieve a healthy and stable relationship under these conditions: the dependent will always be dissatisfied and psychologically in a permanent state of tension, without inner rest.
We recognize an emotional dependent by a fear of abandonment, exacerbated jealousy, chronic dissatisfaction, an inability to make decisions alone. But also a lack of self-esteem, anxiety that leads to a depressive state, as well as compulsive behavior.
The causes are multiple, although the trauma related to a feeling of abandonment and an emotional shock in childhood are the first causes. The affectively dependent individual is often hypersensitive in nature and seems to affect women much more than men. The reasons for this state of affairs are linked to the various conditionings linked to gender, culture, education, traditions and beliefs. This is another subject in itself, which I have already addressed in a text dedicated to the relationship between men and women...
We can get out of this state permanently without necessarily going through a psychoanalysis… It is important first of all to become aware of the emotional disorder, to perceive the causal link with the emotional violence suffered in the past. This is the first step, and not the least, because we struggle to get in touch with what makes us suffer, ie our memories.
Then it is important to understand the nature of the ego, of the self and of all the identifications and images that one carries within oneself. Then it is necessary to clearly identify what "hypersensitivity" is. This term is used incorrectly. The description is not the thing described. It is rather a question of hyper "reactivity", which is the fact of having to react to everything by approval or disapproval: that is to say in uncontrolled emotivity.
However, it is possible to free oneself from these affectations when one understands the psychological mechanisms at work and when one abandons the images, representations and identifications that one carries within oneself. Identifying with your suffering is a clever way to maintain the ego, to give it importance...
It is therefore by observing the wounded child in oneself that one will be able to restore his innocence. The beauty of a child's innocence and spontaneity lies in not accumulating psychological wounds.
Thus, to find this inner purity unsullied by accumulations, it is necessary to no longer give continuity to the past, and to no longer register or identify with past and future wounds. Innocence is not hurting and not being hurt in return.
Well-being coaching allows you to perceive the nature of a disorder in the moment and to free yourself from it in order to find the right emotional balance.
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